No Fear

One thing that is strange about France is that they really stick to their regional dishes. You know how some people will always order the lasagna at an Italian restaurant. I think a lot of Frenchmen are like that. How come I can only find Beef bourguignon in the Burgundy region? Does nobody else want to try this dish?

I'm at a restaurant with a group of 6 other co-workers and it comes time for dessert. There are four desserts: tarte tatin, chocolate mousse, creme brulee, and something I don't recognize. "What's that?" I ask. "It is hard to describe" I am answered. "Well, is it some kind of cake?" "Oh, no! It is not cake. It's more like custard." Then another co-worker jumps in: "It is not like custard. It has fruit! and it has sugar on the top!" Soon there is an argument going on about what this dessert is like. Finally, I say I am going to settle it. I'll just order it for my dessert. Nobody else orders it of course. Laurent smiles and says "I like Dave, he has no fear."

Excuse me? What's to fear? It's a dessert with sugar and fruit from what I can understand. In fact, when it does arrive I would call it (drum roll please...) strawberry custard layer cake. Oh my god! Wasn't that scary! And it was delicious, I didn't miss out on anything.

While dining at a place called literally "the carnivores place" Monica and I spotted, all right, maybe the right term is "could not fail to notice" this large man sitting near us eating what appeared to be an enormous pile of bones. It looked like something from the Flintstones as the bones were huge and piled high. Yes, he was eating bone marrow. Let's NOT get that... But little did I know that shortly thereafter when I ordered one of my favorite kinds of Southern French stews it would be topped with... a giant split open bone! Like a cherry for cavemen I guess. Fortunately, my bone looked like it wasn't split exactly in half and didn't have too much marrow. Just enough to scoop out and try it with my spoon. Well? OK. I'll try it... and it is fantastic! Now, I'm mad because I've been ripped off! My bone has barely any marrow! Ah man...

Finally, we are out one night with a Canadian couple who don't speak much French at all. After steering them away from a number of "dangerous" items, you know, brains, black pudding, etc. I notice something interesting. There is a soup/stew that has ingredients listed as "ear", "tail", "ribs", and something else I don't know. But my vocabulary is growing! I recognize a lot of words that I haven't seen in print except in my French lessons. This makes me like this dish. Hmm, well, the French eat it and it's in a soup so it's not like getting a fish with the head still on looking at you. Those things will probably be chopped and mixed into a savory stew. I order it and when it arrives it comes in this giant steaming pot. I slide my bowl over, reach in, and pull out... an ear. This is very definitely a cow's ear and it looks so much like a cow's ear that I have to laugh. "This is the most disgusting thing I've seen in my life!" I gasp/laugh. The table next to us starts tittering and I notice the man pointing me out to his girlfriend. Our whole table is staring at me as I transfer this whole, giant ear into my bowl. Well, I guess I should try it. I cut a piece off and taste it. I have to say, I now know what was going through Mike Tysen's head. Even though it has stewed for I don't know how long, my mouth is telling me "You are biting an ear!" But, the taste is actually not bad at all. I offer a bite to Monica and without thinking she eats it. Then immediately she smacks me! OK, maybe I deserved that, but she saw what it was, she could have refused. I don't know how to say it, um, maybe those with weak hearts should skip down to the next paragraph, but the last part of the ear where it attached to the head was really good. i can't believe I'm actually enjoying it. Next, I lift out of the pot... a tail. And you can clearly see the vertebrae and everything. The others are getting a kick out of watching me tackle my meal. Next thing out is totally unidentifiable and probably a key component of the cow digestive track. Our friend Brian says "It's like watching a fishing show. You never know what he's going to haul out next. Maybe an old tire!" While the tail was edible, I had to give up on the weird ringy thing since it was just too hard to get meat off it. Anyway, at least I left full and entertained our friends.

The next day at work while talking to Laurent, I mentioned that last night I ate an ear. Surely if he's impressed I'm willing to try a strawberry cake, this will get some reaction. But his response takes me totally by surprise. "Oh yes, and it is soooo good isn't it?" Clearly, I have a long way to go if I want to become French.